Redux

Long time no post.  I know.

College is over – forever – and it is taking some getting used to.  A lot of people like to think that becoming a Professor or going to graduate school means that you’ll still be able to extend that sense of excitement and freedom beyond the day we crossed our tassels from right to left.  Wrong.

We’re in it for the long haul now and I find myself grasping to hold on.  A good friend of mine put quite aptly last night: it’s like you’re standing at the very tip of a large cruise ship (Titanic-esque) and looking out at the endless ocean with no land in sight.  We all know we have to steer in some direction – we just hope that in the end we find land.  Habitable land.

I’ve always found that we are most honest with ourselves when we are most vulnerable.  This is an important fact because too often we are blinded by the quickly moving world around us – and of course all the shiny things.  It is in this time of personal crises that I find myself questioning many of the presumptions I’ve built up for myself over the last few years.  What do I want to do with my life?  Are you sure?  What really is my calling?  Do callings even exist?

Some people will say, “Oh don’t worry too much, you’re young and have time.”  This advice will likely come from someone of a previous generation, someone who only four years ago was telling you that after college you’ve got to decide – and decide quickly.  Consistency isn’t their strong suit I guess.

So what do you do when you’ve put yourself on a particular track and now find that something else entirely is pulling on all your heartstrings to make a switch?  If you’re me then you spend countless hours away from peers reflecting and ruminating.  I have a problem when it comes to discussing my problems – I don’t.  Instead I seek out solitude as an agent of discovery.

If and when I come to a conclusive decision I will have to make sure it is in line with what I want from this life – not what others expect from my life.  This is something I have always had trouble mastering but time is of the essence.  We live in a fast-paced, interconnected; uploaded-downloaded world and I just don’t have time for a reboot.

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On a more somber note – I’d like to publically express my intense sorrow over the loss of Tim Russert.  For many Americans who enjoyed politics or wanted to be informed, Tim was a giant.  If I didn’t see him on Sunday mornings – I would see him later that day on my downloaded podcast.  His clear, articulate, and well-reasoned arguments for finding the bottom line and getting to the truth will be missed.  My thoughts and sympathy are with his son, wife, and of course, Big Russ.